Living with mental health illness is overwhelming, especially when trying to figure out how to function within our unforgiving society. The most common and often obvious advice is to seek professional help or speak to a loved one. However, as effective as this advice can be, one of the biggest challenges of living with a mental illness is opening up about it. Whether it’s due to a fear of overwhelming others or feeling like a burden to them, many of us choose the route of self-help or self-care to cope with our mental health challenges. 

Our attempts at self-help through self-reliance can take the form of temporary periods of isolation from our surroundings or community. We take the time to try and pull ourselves together and regain that functional baseline that allows us to resume social life. As someone who has used this isolation method to revive myself from periods of mental crisis, there are pros and cons to this method. There is a thin line between self-care and self-sabotage. We have to be aware not to cross it.

This piece will discuss the benefits of temporarily “clocking out” from our surroundings as a coping mechanism while also shedding light on when and how it can devolve into harmful avoidance habits impacting our interpersonal relationships. We’ll consider when social isolation devolves from a coping mechanism to self-sabotage, doing more harm than good.

No time to read the whole article? You can read the summary here.

The temporary “clock out”: Practicing intentional self-care

These days, the term self-care has become commonplace and even birthed industries with a significant presence in social media influencer culture. The obvious consumerist links are there, and they reinforce narrow perspectives on self-care, painting an image of self-care with a specific aesthetic brush represented by overpriced scented candles placed within the idealistic Pinterest backgrounds.

But beyond that, the actual concept of self-care is still a very effective way to manage mental health issues. Intentional self-care, tailored to the needs and resource access of the individual, is effective as a coping mechanism in times of mental health difficulties.

So, where does one start with practising intentional self-care, and is there a right way to do it? The answer lies in taking an honest look into what brings you joy in its simplest form. As someone who blanks out whenever I hear that famous question, “What’s your favourite…?” I fully understand that knowing what brings you peace and joy, especially during moments of darkness, can feel like the biggest chore.

However, it is sometimes just as simple as the first thought that pops into your head. I have also learnt that having a list or guide tends to alleviate some of that cluelessness. Therefore, here is a short list of just four basic ways you can start spending your self-care hours:

Take a nap

One of the most underrated self-care methods, often ignored in our productivity-focused society, is the simple art of doing nothing and resting. Sleep is vital to our body’s ability to recover from physical and mental distress.

Move Your Body!

Yes, endorphins are real, and they do work. Whether it is a 15-minute morning stretch, a walk around the park or putting on your favourite song and freestyling in front of your mirror for 4 minutes (highly recommended), moving your body helps distract you from your mind.

Pick Up a Simple Hobby.

Perhaps another cliche solution, but some solutions are suggested frequently because they are pretty effective. Picking hobbies can be difficult, especially if you do not have much time or resources or are unfortunately afflicted with the curse of being unable to keep up with anything you are not automatically perfect at.

As someone who has experienced all these obstacles at once, I have discovered that just like when we were children, the world of arts and crafts is usually a safe bet. Some relatively inexpensive activities are watercolour painting, knitting/crocheting or building puzzles. If these options feel a little too basic, there is always the wonderful world of baking, which I have found to be a rewarding hobby with a bonus tasty treat.

Much like exercise, working with our hands can help us shift our mental focus away from our stressors, allowing us to be present with ourselves in a much simpler and often safer scenario.

Pamper yourself.

Giving ourselves attention through hair care, skin care or enjoying our favourite meal is often a great way to soothe and recognise ourselves at times when mental illness can make us forget ourselves and the gentle presence we can have. 

Finding a balance: Preventing harmful avoidance habits

Although spending alone time with yourself and away from overwhelming social expectations can be rejuvenating, if not well-balanced, it can also become a harmful habit that can negatively impact your life and interpersonal relationships.

The thought of feeling like a burden or having had negative experiences with social interactions can lead to developing a defence mechanism of complete self-reliance. However, most of the time, those who care about us want to be there in any supportive way they can.

Sharing one’s worries, especially with something as stigmatized as mental illness, can be much easier said than done. It is vital to remind ourselves that the core purpose behind temporarily isolating while practising self-care is to feel good enough to return to daily life. There is a fine line between self-care and self-sabotage, so it is crucial to identify the signs before you develop harmful habits that could worsen your mental well-being.

Self-care vs Self-sabotage: Recognising the difference

Self-Care

• Making intentional time for yourself (i.e. scheduling self-care days into your calendar)
• Communicating your needs to those you have responsibilities to (i.e. informing people you are unavailable ahead of time)
• Actively using your time to do things that bring you joy
• Not putting any pressure on yourself
• Positive self-talk
• Making efforts to rest and rejuvenate your body

Self-sabotage

• Ignoring stressors until they overwhelm you/ you burn out (Read more about Burnout here).
• Abruptly cutting off all communication with your social surroundings without prior notice (i.e. not following through on responsibilities/being unreliable/ignoring those who reach out)
• Indulging in unhealthy habits in excess (i.e. activities that bring temporary relief but potentially cause long-term damage to your mind and body)
• Ruminating on your stressors and entering a catastrophizing mindset
• Negative self-talk/fixating on your flaws and mistakes
• Poor sleeping habits and overindulging in screen time (i.e. mindless scrolling through social media)

Summary

Living with a mental illness can be overwhelming. Sometimes, we need a social time-out to recuperate in our own space and practise self-care. However, there’s a fine line between healing and isolating as a form of self-sabotage.

We can take time for ourselves and mentally recharge with these simple acts of self-care:

• Take a nap: rest is essential for physical and mental recovery
• Move your body: simple movement = endorphins!
• Pick up a Hobby: be child-like and embrace arts & crafts
• Pamper yourself: remind yourself that you deserve care and gentleness

When taking time for yourself, beware of harmfully isolating yourself. Know the difference between self-care and self-sabotage:

Self-care involves reducing the pressure you put on yourself, communicating your needs, and making an effort to rest. Self-sabotage consists of cutting off all communication, ruminating on your stressors, and engaging in negative self-talk.

Conclusion

Living with mental illness can often feel like an extreme sport that none of us signed up for, and the stigma attached to it can add a whole other layer of distress and feelings of isolation. In overwhelming moments when we run out of mental fuel and see nothing but a dark tunnel with no light at the end, taking some time to shelter ourselves and our feelings without eyes and voices surrounding us can be very healing. However, like with most things in our universe, it is crucial to maintain a balance and not allow moments meant for peace and solitude to turn into cages of despair.