The new year ushers in a time for introspection, resetting our intentions and focusing on our goals for the year ahead. It can feel like a fresh beginning and a second chance – especially if the previous year didn’t go as planned.
Self-reflection allows you to reconnect with yourself after a rough patch or ground yourself after a sustained high. It’s essential to gain perspective on your accomplishments and failures. It can be as challenging to celebrate wins as accepting losses, but reflection allows you a moment to slow down and shift your thinking to prepare for a new chapter in your life.
Before the rush to meet day-to-day responsibilities sweeps you away and you continue to do what you’ve always done, I’d like you to slow down and learn how and why regular self-reflection can change your life.
No time to read the whole post? Read the summary here.
How to make Self-reflection the Key to a Better Life
Table of Contents
What is self-reflection?
Self-reflection, in simple terms, is examining and evaluating our feelings, thoughts, and actions. It can apply to any aspect of life, including work, relationships, and beliefs. It starts with a simple question: “What has been working for me, and what hasn’t?”
We all have thoughts and behaviours that hinder progress. Deep reflection allows you to identify those thoughts and behaviours and create systems to correct them. When you recognise harmful patterns and take steps to rectify them, personal growth happens.
Why should you reflect?
Build self-awareness
Reflection allows you to spend quality time with yourself and gives you honest insight into your nature. It’s the key to emotional intelligence. When you are more self-aware, you can accurately label your feelings and identify the thoughts driving them. With time and practice, this leads to better self-regulation and social skills.
Reflection also helps you recognise the circumstances and actions causing strain and unhappiness. Sometimes, you end up caught in unfulfilling routines or toxic cycles. Self-awareness through reflection can help you figure out how to break these cycles. It helps you see situations from different perspectives and make decisions more comfortably and confidently with time.
Understand your context
Self-reflection puts you in the present. It gives you time to examine your circumstances and discern what is within your control and what is not. Understanding your context prevents you from punishing yourself for things out of your control. You might blame yourself for a terrible decision, but did you have all the information you needed to make a different choice? Often, the answer is not so straightforward.
For example, you might find yourself halfway through a semester regretting a creative writing elective because the tutor spends too much time talking about their favourite author and not enough time critiquing your writing. But when you registered for the course, could you have predicted that outcome?
You have to give yourself credit for doing the best you could with the information you had. You grow, and there will be a next time to make a better decision.
Feeling grounded and connected
Reflection is as valuable in your social life as it is in your personal life. Modern life is fast-paced, and you could easily fall into mindless patterns. Self-reflection helps you step away from routine and consider the value of your actions.
For example, a teacher may teach the same material every year and grow bored, but regular reflection can remind them they play a role in each student’s development. Positive reinforcement and kindness in the classroom may stay with their students longer than any material they learn from a textbook. Sometimes, it isn’t about what you do but how you do it.
In this way, self-reflection connects your lives to a network of people, each influencing the other. It reminds you that every action has an impact. It’s easy to feel more grounded and connected when you understand that you are part of a mycorrhizal network (a fungi network connecting tree roots. It’s pretty cool. Look it up).
Reflection allows us to exercise our problem-solving skills.
When faced with a problem, people usually spend a lot of mental space ruminating on it. Passively and repeatedly thinking of the same problem evokes many negative emotions. There is no purposeful thought processing.
Reflection is vital to skills development because if we think about a problem constructively, we learn the most. What went wrong? What role did you play? How could you have acted differently? What can you do to change the outcome?
Reflection turns your mistakes into lessons. When you develop your problem-solving skills, you gain self-confidence because you’ve considered your actions and decisions and given them meaning and positive reinforcement. You’re more likely to act on your choices when you feel assured that you’ve done thorough troubleshooting. Once you’ve considered everything, you can create your solution.
When should I do self-reflection?
There is no set rule. Reflection should happen when it is most beneficial to you. The new year is always convenient because it represents a break in routine and the beginning of something new. You can reflect quarterly, monthly or daily. It depends on your lifestyle and needs. I do all of these, which helps me stay grounded in a demanding career.
Where should I reflect?
Choose a place without distractions. Some people like going into nature, a favourite coffee shop, or a quiet corner of the house. Before you sit down, ensure you have all the necessary tools: a piece of paper, a journal, a tape recorder, or whatever you choose. If you want growth, it’s essential to document your reflections so you can refer back to them later.
How do I start?
You can reflect on anything at any time, but here are a few ways you could get started:
What are my core values?
What are the things that motivate you? What values dictate your actions? Once you understand what drives you, you can evaluate decisions and circumstances through that lens. Ask questions like, “Did my decision go against any of my values? Why was I willing to compromise? Did my actions represent what I stand for?
It’s one thing to say you value sustainability, but are you still stuffing your closet with things you never wear? Could you say you value connection if you haven’t contacted your friends in months?
Once you know what represents you, you can start making positive changes to live intentionally. One of my favourite YouTube channels, Unjaded Jade, has a thought-provoking video about discovering your core values. You can watch it here.
Reflecting on specific events
The Gibbs cycle is designed to structure reflection and facilitate learning from experiences. Examining the details of an event can help you understand what happened and what could have been done differently, giving you the tools to deal with a similar challenge the next time you encounter it.
- Describe the event:
- Where and when did it happen?
- Who else was there?
- What did you do?
- What was the outcome?
- Describe your feelings:
- What were you feeling before, during and after the event?
- How did the others feel?
- Do you feel differently about it now than you did when it happened?
- Evaluate what worked and what didn’t work:
- What was good about the event?
- What didn’t you like?
- How did you and others contribute (good and bad)?
- Analyse the event to make sense of what happened:
- Why did things go well or not so well?
- What knowledge (experience, resources) do you have now that can help you understand what happened?
- How can this help you in future?
Reflect on your goals
This type of reflection revolves around your aspirations. What do you want most in life, and how will you achieve it?
Thinking about what you want isn’t too tricky. It probably occupies much of your waking hours and daydreams. However, you must delve deeper and ask why you want these things. Do you have a particular goal because it’s what everyone expects of you? Will you feel more fulfilled if your dream becomes a reality? What would your ideal life look like?
Connect these reflections to your core values and try to align them. Then, follow this step-by-step guide to achieve your goals.
Reflect on your assumptions
The Mezirow model of transformative learning is another framework for reflection. It is particularly useful for examining assumptions and beliefs. Transformative learning is about expanding consciousness through evaluating perspectives.
The model may not be that easy to grasp at first glance, so let me illustrate with an example:
- A disorientating dilemma: My best friend has been ignoring my messages for three days
- Self-examination (feelings): It makes me feel angry and undervalued
- A critical assessment of assumptions: I assume she’s ignoring me because she doesn’t want to spend time with me.
- Recognition of one’s discontent: I recognise that these negative feelings are part of the process of transformation
- Exploration of options for new relationships and actions: I think of ways I can approach my friend about my feelings
- Planning a course of action: I will approach her and ask if she is having a hard time or if any of my actions have upset her.
- Acquiring knowledge and skills: I could ask others if my friend has been distant with them, too, and if she’s been unwell or something is bothering her.
- Provisional trying of new roles: I prepare what I am going to say to my friend
- Building competence in new roles and relationships: I understand that multiple factors can influence how people treat me, and I should not jump to conclusions so quickly.
- A reintegration into life with a new perspective: If similar situations arise, I will wait until I have more information and consider all angles before jumping to conclusions.
Summary
Self-reflection is a powerful tool for examining your life and changing how you see yourself and the world around you. If you’re unhappy with your current circumstances, reflection may be the key to unlocking the life you want.
- What is self-reflection? It’s evaluating your thoughts, feelings and actions to gain mental clarity.
- Why should you reflect?
- It builds self-awareness
- You learn to understand your circumstances
- It can help you feel grounded and connected
- It sharpens your decision-making
- When should you reflect? It’s up to you—you can reflect daily, weekly, or monthly, whatever suits your lifestyle.
- Where should you reflect? Anywhere that’s comfortable, as long as you’re keeping a record.
- How do you reflect?
- Think about your core values. Do your actions align?
- Reflect on specific events (using the Gibbs cycle)
- Reflect on your goals and if they align with your values.
- Transform your assumptions with Mezirow’s model of transformative learning
Conclusion
Self-reflection is the key to a happier, more grounded version of yourself. Whether you reflect on your job, financial decisions, or relationships, reflection aims to help you learn about yourself and enact a change in your life. I hope this post has given you some clarity and direction to pursue a better version of yourself.
Resources
Gibbs, G. (1988). Learning by doing: A guide to teaching and learning methods. London: Further Education Unit.
Mezirow, J (1997). Transformative Learning: Theory to Practice. New Directions for Adult and Continuing Education. (74), pp. 5–12