In an ideal world, everyone who needed therapy would get it. We seek therapy when we face challenging life events or when we recognise that we cannot process and cope with our emotions. Therapy can teach us skills to overcome difficult circumstances and improve our quality of life. But, no matter how you look at it, therapy is expensive – especially on a student budget.
I’ll start by saying there is no replacement for a professional therapist. However, therapy often begins by identifying the thought and behaviour patterns that set us back and finding ways to undo them. The tools discussed in this article might help you start that process, while professional help isn’t an option.
If you feel like you’ve heard this all before, don’t click away just yet. I’ll explain the mechanics of how and why these methods work, and in the end, you should feel more confident and well-equipt to deal with life’s challenges.
Now, let’s get started.
3 Ways To Be Your Own Therapist
Table of Contents
Journaling as Therapy
How does journaling help?
Journaling about our lives records our thoughts and actions during significant events. It helps us build self-awareness. Think of it as collecting evidence about ourselves that we can use to solve a case (i.e., the problem we are struggling with).
If we start journaling with purpose, we can unravel the thoughts, emotions and behaviours that are unhelpful to us. This method uses elements of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) to help overcome limiting beliefs and behaviours.
Journaling to maximise positive outcomes
Step 1: Identify an unwelcome event/situation
Describe the situation in detail.
- What happened?
- Why do you think it happened?
- How did it make you feel and behave?
Example: “My best friend ignored my call after we spent time together on the weekend. I think they’re ignoring me because they don’t like spending time with me and prefer our other friends. I sent a text saying I want to end our friendship because I don’t feel valued.”
Step 2: Unravel your thoughts and feelings about the situation
Use clear language. “I feel…”, “I think…”
Example: “I feel sad because I was excited to talk to them. I think they are ignoring me because I’m no fun to be around. That makes me feel lonely and like an unworthy friend. If they don’t want to talk to me, I won’t make an effort.”
Step 3: Identify the reasons behind your thoughts and feelings.
Our actions are influenced by our beliefs and the narratives we construct about our lives. Identify what personal beliefs dictated your emotions and reactions.
Look at the statement, “I think they are ignoring me because I’m no fun to be around.” Examine where the belief came from. Is there evidence to support this statement? Are there other reasons why their friend might have missed the call? They could have left their phone on charge in another room or were too busy to answer.
Take your scenario and write down the evidence for or against each statement.
Step 4: Restructure your thinking
How could you think about your situation differently? What is a more positive way of looking at it?
Another way to think about our example scenario would be, “My friend missed my call. I should check up on them to see if they’re okay because I am a good friend. I’ll mention how the missed call made me feel and ask for reassurance.”
Step 5: Plans for the future
Imagine that a similar situation happened again. Having gone through the above exercise, how would you interpret things differently? How will that influence your future actions? After this exercise, you will have a new outlook on your problem and will be able to replicate the process for future concerns.
Positive Affirmations To Boost Self-esteem
I can almost see you rolling your eyes at this one, but stick with me for a second. There’s a reason why this works.
We all hold a cluster of beliefs that form our self-image. If you have low self-esteem, you might hold beliefs like, “I always mess up” and “I am a failure and don’t deserve good things.” Those beliefs can be so ingrained in your perception of yourself that anything that challenges them can feel disingenuous or unbelievable.
How to make affirmations work for you
Positive self-affirmations can change the narrative. However, affirmations like “I am good enough” or “My contributions are valuable” could clash with your perception of yourself if you have low self-esteem. The affirmations you use must sound plausible to you. Words like, “I am struggling to feel adequate today, but I can improve,” may be easier to swallow than a hyper-positive statement that sounds like a lie to your ears.
How to use affirmations to improve your self-worth
Exercise 1: Search a list of affirmations. Choose the ones that don’t match your identity and adapt them to feel more authentic to you.
Exercise 2: Affirmations are important because the words we use to describe ourselves soon become our identity. For example, if you keep telling yourself, “I am a good student,” you will behave how you think a good student should. Make a list of statements that align with who you want to be. Then, create strategies to adapt your behaviour to make those statements accurate.
Practise Gratitude Journaling
What is Gratitude?
Gratitude is thought of in different ways by the scientific community. Some talk about it as an emotional state. For example, if your friend drives across the country to visit you, you would feel grateful for the time and energy they took to see you. Others talk of gratitude as a character trait, with some people being more naturally inclined to feel grateful. You can think of it as someone more likely to “appreciate the little things in life”. For this post, we’ll discuss gratitude as a verb—a conscious choice and an action.
What are the benefits of practising gratitude?
As a psychological intervention, practising gratitude is low-resistance, straightforward and low-cost. All you need is time and somewhere to jot down your thoughts.
Available research implies that practising gratitude has positive effects on our well-being, such as:
- Improved quality of sleep
- Better social skills and relationships
- Increased motivation to help others and contribute to society
- Motivation for self-improvement
- Increased empathy and forgiveness
- Reduced effects of depression and anxiety
How to incorporate gratitude into your life
Gratitude is a muscle that needs training. Keep a journal and set aside time to write down what you are grateful for each day or week. This will increase your appreciation for what you have and your gratitude towards others.
Here are a few simple journal prompts to help you along if you’re unsure where to start:
- Write down three reasons you were grateful to wake up this morning
- Choose one good deed someone has done for you in the past week and write them a letter of appreciation
- Grab the nearest object and write about how it was served to you
- Mention three things your past self did that the present you is thankful for
- Write a thank you note to your three closest friends for staying by your side
If you want more, check out these simple lessons in gratitude to accelerate your journey.
Summary
Therapy is often inaccessible. The three tips described in this article are simple interventions you can try independently. Though not as effective as professional help, they are methods backed by science and can improve emotional regulations and social skills.
- Journaling using principles borrowed from cognitive behavioural therapy
- Affirmations that are realistic and align with your self-image
- Practising gratitude
Conclusion
If you can’t reach a professional therapist, it shouldn’t hold you back from improving your mental health. Dedication and trial and error may show you results you’ve never imagined.
If you have any other suggestions or feedback, please comment and share your thoughts with our community.
References:
Bono, G., Duffy, T., & Moreno, S. (2022). Gratitude in school: Benefits to students and schools. In Handbook of Positive Psychology in Schools (3rd ed.). Routledge.
Dickens, L. (2019). Gratitude Interventions: Meta-analytic Support for Numerous Personal Benefits, with Caveats. In Springer eBooks (pp. 127–147). https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-20020-6_6
Sansone, R. A., & Sansone, L. A. (2010). Gratitude and well being: the benefits of appreciation. Psychiatry (Edgmont (Pa. : Township)), 7(11), 18–22.
Sherman, D. K. (2013). Self‐Affirmation: understanding the effects. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 7(11), 834–845. https://doi.org/10.1111/spc3.12072
Shukla, A. (2022, January 24). Do Self-Affirmations work? Coping with low self-esteem & self-worth. Cognition Today. https://cognitiontoday.com/do-self-affirmations-work-coping-with-low-self-esteem-self-worth/